July 20th, 2021

Dear Ones,

The memorial service celebrating Mary Mallette’s life last Saturday was filled with such love, such joy, such sadness because we will miss her so. As our family walked into the parish hall, white crepe myrtle blossoms showered us like snow flakes. Mary Mallette loved flowers and snow❤️

Here is a copy of her eulogy.

With sorrow and prayers for all who grieve today I share with you a quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer that I came upon when writing a funeral sermon for Mary Mallette’s father. It is way too soon to have to share it again at her funeral, but I do so with the belief and hope that although it is painful it is also true. Nothing, Bonhoeffer wrote, can make up for the absence of someone whom we love, and it would be wrong to try to find a substitute; we must simply hold out and see it through. That sounds very hard at first, but at the same time it is a great consolation, for the gap, as long as it remains unfilled, preserves the bonds between us. It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap; God doesn’t fill it, but on the contrary keeps it empty and so helps us to keep alive our former communion with each other, even at the cost of pain. We gather today to grieve, and to pray in the midst of things we cannot understand. We pray for the hope given to us through the promise of resurrection and the communion of saints. Through faith we believe that God has raised Mary Mallette to a new life. We may not fully understand how it works, but we gather today to formally commend her to God and to seek comfort for our broken hearts. Facebook and caring bridge are full of stories of the countless lives that Mary Mallette touched with her compassionate counsel, deep love, mad dancing skills, and dry wit. Stories of people who are grieving as they love and remember. Our faith in the mystery of resurrection assures us, even if we cannot fully understand it, that Mary Mallette is now one with God and the communion of saints that surround us. Our faith in God’s power and presence assures us that her body that was broken by cancer has somehow been made into something holy different and new yet still connected to the essence of who Mary Mallette was: Like the seed that grows into a tree; like energy that never ends but changes and changes and changes; like hearts that keep on loving and loving and loving. Or at least that’s how Mary Mallette and I talked about it during the last year of her life. Before her death Mary Mallette wrote many beautiful letters of love to her family. With their permission I share some of her words with you. Words of blessing written to her family and friends and to all of us who have gathered today. “So, I do not want to leave you all but, we all have to do it & it’s my time…even though it’s hard to fathom how it can happen, I truly believe our love will bring us back together. I could not love each of you more than I do! My heart is so full as I think of you all and how much you mean to me and the joy you have brought to my life. As Hemingway said: “The world breaks everyone and afterwards many are stronger at the broken places.” Please do not let my death be any more than what it is. Mourn and help one another. But remember – we are one in our love. We are more than a body – our spirits/souls will forever be united. Grief can break us and also make us stronger. My prayer for all of you who loved Mary Mallette is that your grief over her loss will in time make you stronger and more committed to loving as fiercely as she loved. Mourn and help one another grow in love. One way that may help you in your grieving is to create a standing stone in honor of Mary Mallette. In the bible and in many ancient cultures standing stones were used to mark the presence of God. Outward and visible signs that proclaimed the Divine was here/is here. Standing stones can also mark the life of a loved one. A stone or any outward and visible sign to help you remember, honor, and treasure the one whom you loved and continue to love. Meg, who knew Mary Mallette as well as or perhaps better than anyone else, wrote about Mary Mallette and two such standing stones already designated to honor her: “Mary Mallette served many children and families through her evolving and intersecting roles as mother, teacher, guidance counselor, behavioral classroom assistant for young children, and friend. Her ability to connect authentically and empathetically with everyone she met made her a healing presence in many lives. She understood well before many of us that we needed to pay better attention to the mental health of whole families in order to help them grow healthy children. With this in mind we are asking those who wish to honor Mary Mallette’s life through a donation to consider giving to one of the following memorial funds: Early Learning Partnership of York County that helps families form strong relationships starting at birth & NAMI of the Piedmont Tri County which helps family encountering challenges with mental health. (Editorial note: this quote is from the esteemed Martha Edwards, MD) I encourage you to donate to those organizations in honor of Mary Mallette and to also ponder other outward and visible standing stones that mark the particular relationship you had with her. Let your imagination soar as you in time think of a standing stone to mark the presence that Mary Mallette had in your life. Some of the ways I’ve been thinking about are to plant a garden or a hydrangea bush, volunteer to work with children, sip on coffee as you talk to your plants and water them with miracle grow, listen to someone in need, love, love, love. As I said let your imagination soar as you ponder standing stones to mark her presence in your life. And if you can over the days and weeks and years to come instead of trying to ignore or deny your grief, let yourself touch it. Feel the absence in your life and your grief and then give thanks for Mary Mallette and the particular love that you shared. Take a moment now and bring to mind that particular love and relationship. Remember a time when you knew that she loved you and she knew that you loved her. Let that love fill you. Breath in her love and breathe out your love for her. Rest in her love for you and your love for her. Lean into that love, trust that her love is true and was and is a holy reflection of God’s endless boundless love. Let your love for her and her love for you connect you to her and to God and to the communion of saints gathered around us. Sometimes life seems way too short…and other times it feels way too long without the one we love. Either way whether life is long or short – we do not have too much time to gladden the hearts of those who travel the way with us. So be swift to love and make haste to be kind. The Rev. Karla WoggonRector, The Episcopal Church of The Ascension726 1st Ave NW Hickory NC 28601

AMEN🙏🙏🙏